Pre Yom Kippur Rant

So tonight starts Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the most important day in Judaism. The onset of this high holy day leads me to highlight an injustice I've noticed over the years.

The most important Christian holidays (easter, christmas etc.) involve huge feasts and lots of present giving or fun scavenger hunts and cadbury's mini-eggs while thanking God for forgiving their sins and spending marvelous time with family.

In contrast, Yom Kippur, according to scripture, offers the super-fun prospect of starving yourself with no food or water from sundown to sundown while beating yourself up about how horrible you've been for the past year and begging for God's forgiveness even though you don't deserve it.

And let us not forget the invariable post-services Yom Kippur phenomenon of "turn on the tv, and catch that brand new strawberry fondue advert that has the extreme closeup of the lady with manicured nails dipping her overly lush ripe strawberry into creamy milk chocolate, before licking her lips in apparent overwhelming satiation." To that i mimic rumored Jew Ebeneezer Scrooge when I say "Bah!..... Humbug!"

Yup, it sure looks like the Jews got the short end of the stick on this one. Stupid morbid ancestors... why can't we have holidays with cute bunnies? I wish to submit a formal protest with the lord almighty. It's ok, don't worry about me dear readers. In a few short hours it will be sundown, and thus the start of Day of Atonement so I can atone for this post without having to wait a full year.

Moreover, Cabury's mini-eggs should be available year round! Depriving the people of this basic food group is a mortal sin in of itself. Though I guess by expressing this I am engaging in the sin of gluttony. There's just no way to win. Pray for me!